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Stay by me (15 June)

This week’s thought was written by Graeme Ross, EBA Regional Minister

I was absolutely fuming as I stomped along the road! I had received some unexpected and extremely upsetting news, just moments before leaving the house and angry thoughts spun around in my mind like it was an out of control washing machine.

As I marched along, my anger became a rant filled prayer. I shouted at God ‘why?’, ‘how can people behave this way?’ and ‘why didn’t you stop this from happening?’. It wasn’t a coherent prayer it was more like a broken record where various sections keep repeating and it was definitely a prayer ‘at God’ rather than a ‘conversation with God’.

I was properly worked up and unusually, our dog Harriet was struggling to keep up with me but in the next few moments everything changed.

I heard the yapping up ahead, but it was drowned out by the spinney, stuck record ranting in my mind. Suddenly, Harriet pulled on her lead, and I was dragged away from the fence which we were walking past. I should explain that Harriet is a powerful dog and when she goes after a squirrel unexpectedly while she is on the lead, she can leave you feeling like your arms are being pulled out of their sockets. As I was dragged off course, I snapped back to reality, and I realized that we were walking past the yappy dog’s house. There are three yappy dogs in that house, and they are all the size of guinea pigs and whenever they yap as we walk past, Harriet cowers away in fear and wants to run away.

‘What kind of person keeps yappy dogs’ was the less than generous thought than floated through my mind, but then I remembered Harriet. I shortened the length of lead to hold her closer to me and said, ‘stay by me’. I then then reached into my pocket and gave her a doggy treat before repeating ‘stay by me’.  We kept walking while I repeated ‘stay by me’ and pretty soon the yappiness was a distant memory.

‘Stay by me’ is a phrase we use with Harriet, it means stay next to me, but it also means ‘I’m here’, ‘do not be afraid’, ‘I’m not leaving you’, ‘we’ll get through this together’, ‘I will keep you safe’. There are various triggers that cause Harriet to panic and ‘stay by me’ is a phrase we use a lot, and I mean a lot on our walks!

As we left the yappiness behind, Harriet started to trot along happily and if this was a Disney movie, she probably would have started to hum or sing. Harriet was happy but mind began to churn again. In that moment I heard the voice of God in my mind say, ‘stay by me’ and in a ‘lightbulb’ moment the storms in my mind were stilled and everything changed.

I began to pray, talking with God rather than at him. I continued to tell him how I was feeling, but I also paused to reflect and to leave room for him to speak, guide and comfort. I began to reflect on what had caused someone else to behave so badly and I felt God’s compassion for them and their situation. I began to wonder why Harriet was so afraid and what in her life, before we adopted her had caused her to be so afraid of other dogs (even yappy, guinea pig sized ones!) I began to reflect on my own adopted children and the issues and difficulties they have, considering the things are are in their past that have caused them so much pain and which cause them to behave certain ways.

As I have thought about that walk in the months since, I am constantly thankful for our God who whispers, ‘stay by me’.