Home » Thoughts for the Week » Have you ever felt completely and utterly spent? (1 December)

Have you ever felt completely and utterly spent? (1 December)

The thought this week has been written by Fiona Heddle, EBA Moderator of Trustees and Minister at Winter Gardens Baptist Church.

Have you ever felt completely and utterly spent?  No more left to give!  Whether it be after going for a run or other exercise,  or after battling the crowds to finish the Christmas shopping, or maybe after wasting hours trying to work out why your computer will not do what you’re asking of it!

I had this feeling of being spent last week.  Not because of any of the above – although I do still need to finish my Christmas shopping!  No, it was because of ministry.  The week had started well, I was feeling encouraged, things were good.  And then something happened that completely floored me – I felt so discouraged and utterly spent.  Ministry can be like that sometimes and I’ve been here before I told myself.  This time however, I wanted to give up and found myself doing a Moses and complaining to the Lord.  This was followed by remembering God’s call on my life.  I confess, I felt no better!

Later in the day I took some time out and had a more reasonable conversation with the Lord.  It went something like this: ‘I think I have had enough Lord.  This load is too heavy, I don’t think I can carry it any longer, please will you take it away.’  Instantly I felt the Lord whisper, ‘My grace is sufficient for you.’  I wanted to argue but I knew I couldn’t.  Christ died for me and asked me to take up my cross and follow him.  Sometimes the cross feels heavy and awkward.  Sometimes it feels like I am carrying it alone.  Soon after this conversation with the Lord I had a phone call which was pure unsolicited encouragement.  It spoke God’s truth into my heart and mind.  God knows what we need and when we need it.  He knows what we can bear and for how long.

As I reflected on this, I remembered times in the past, where despite seeking the Lord, it seemed that he had not responded or at least had taken his time about it!  I remembered how hard those times had been and the doubt and discouragement that I had experienced as I journeyed through them.  I know that it was during those times, as I continued to lean into Him, that reliance on the Lord was nurtured and grown in me.

It may be that you are feeling spent, and God feels distant, and ministry a heavy load.  For some, the Lord will say ‘My grace is sufficient.’ 2 Cor.12:9.  To others he might say ‘`Come away with me. Let us go alone to a quiet place and rest for a while.’ Mark 6:31.  At other times he may provide a companion to share the journey.

It is in the daily taking up of our cross that we truly find life.  It’s in the denial of self as we follow Jesus that we find our true human selves and, as The Message version puts it, ‘real and eternal life, more and better life than we ever dreamed of.’ Jn.10:10.  May God encourage you as you take up your cross this week.